The Cycle of Narcissistic Abuse: Lessons for Relationships and Governance in Kenya
Kenya is grappling with a femicide crisis, underscoring the urgency of this year’s 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence. But there’s a striking parallel between the cycles of narcissistic abuse in relationships and the dynamics of governance between citizens and their leaders. Recognizing these patterns is crucial for addressing both forms of abuse and fostering a vigilant, informed society.
Manipulation in Relationships and Governance
State-sponsored disinformation in Kenya has become a tool of suppression, undermining dissent, press freedom, and access to reliable information. Pro-government actors deploy manipulation tactics that twist the truth to fit an agenda, eroding public trust. This strategy mirrors the behaviors of narcissistic abusers, who rely on gaslighting, dependency, and perception management to dominate their victims.
In governance, this cycle plays out vividly:
- Idealization during campaigns, with promises of transformative leadership.
- Devaluation when citizens demand accountability, met with coordinated gaslighting campaigns to deflect blame.
- Discarding when public concerns are dismissed, leaving citizens disillusioned and unheard.
This manipulation, much like in personal relationships, fosters a toxic environment where control thrives, and trust is systematically eroded.
The Gendered Cost of Abuse
2024 has been marked by a shocking spike in femicide cases. The year began with women taking to the streets on January 27th under hashtags like #TotaShutdown, #EndFemicideKE, and #StopKillingUs to demand accountability. Yet, discussions around these murders often shift to victim-blaming, decentering the perpetrators and the systemic failures that enable gender-based violence.
Victim-blaming narratives are akin to societal gaslighting, perpetuating harmful myths that restrict women’s freedoms and obscure the real issue: dismantling misogynistic structures that perpetuate entitlement to women’s bodies.
A Call to Vigilance and Action
As we mark the 16 Days of Activism, it’s clear that education and vigilance are necessary—both in personal relationships and in the governance sphere. Kenyan citizens must continue to challenge abusive behavior, whether from individuals or elected officials.
This year’s campaign calls for new commitments across sectors:
- Security agencies must prioritize protecting women and holding perpetrators accountable.
- Policymakers and parliamentarians must push for stronger legislative protections.
- Journalists and social media platforms must combat disinformation and amplify narratives that center accountability over victim-blaming.
Breaking the Cycle
Recognizing the parallels between narcissistic abuse in relationships and in governance offers a powerful framework for dismantling toxic cycles of control. Whether in interpersonal dynamics or citizen-leader relationships, the goal must remain the same: to challenge manipulation, demand accountability, and foster an environment where trust and equity can thrive.
As Kenyans, we must remain vigilant, informed, and united in addressing abuse in all its forms—because justice and equity begin with the courage to break the cycle.